Good Lord it has been a while (well for me at least) since I posted, truth is, I'm coming clean here!, for the past 2 months it has been VERY hard for me to hold things together mentally, I suffer from depression & have not felt this bad for years. So I am slowly crawling back to what is my kind of sanity, probably not normal sanity, but mine at least! It has been years since I have been this SAD, the bloody effort it has taken just to get out of bed in the mornings, insomnia at night, crying all day, the hell my family goes through when they see me like this even though I try my hardest to put a front on that I'm happy (which I have realised that is how I have spent my life,) OHHHH to be NORMAL! To make matters worse (god can it get worse) is that my second son, who I love like you would not believe, Ryno was born the day I left my Ex Husband & I had always thought of as MINE, until Noel my Darlin' came along & bought him up as his own & he became *ours*, anyway Ryno & Chloe his GORGEOUS girlfriend are leaving on the 12th Jan to work at the mines, that is going to kill me! Second thing is I have lost my eldest son, we have had a major fall out which will never be repaired, he has not spoken to me for nearly 4 weeks now, & to be honest I do not want to talk to him I am so ashamed & disgusted with him, & NO MOTHER should ever feel that way towards her child! So life has been shit, sad, way tooooooo much but at least I can say I do remember how to smile & mean it, I HAVE managed to clean my house (boy was it a mess!) & the most important thing I am very slowly learning that I am not perfect, I stopped making my wares to sell on ebay because of one customer not paying for three items she bought from me, the lies & excuses she gave me were I now realise just incredible, I stopped doing up the furniture that is cluttering up our garage because I just could not stop painting, I kept telling myself *one more time around & then it will be perfect* but of course it never is *perfect*, well at least not to me! SO there you have it, I have realised I have flaws, major flaws & it is time I learnt to live with it. Easy to say but I am like I said on the road to repair.
So on a brighter note our puppies are now 4 weeks old today, 2 more weeks & they are off to the pet shop, I always get way toooooo attached to them, they are just so cute & will no doubt cry my eyes out, along with the kids when they leave us!
Christmas is fast approaching, I was involved in a *Secret Santa Swap* this year, my first, took me weeks to decide what to make, (again the has to be perfect came into it) but in the end I did a craft I have not done in years & sooooo enjoyed it, have taken photos so will post them when Kylie receives her parcel. God I hope she likes them!
Ok so I have rambled on enough here & have probably put you all to sleep, but OMG do I feel better for having gotten this off my chest, I have felt like I was living a lie not being honest with my illness, disease, madness? call it what you will, so I have bared my soul to you all & hope you will still pop in & leave a comment for me, I really do love hearing from you.
Oh before I forget, thank you so much Mel for including me in your 7 questions, I will get onto doing it in the next couple of day, it really means a lot to me Sweet.
Will take me a while to catch up on what everyone has been up to, but am looking forward to reading what has been going on.
Hoping your Day/Night is being kind to you