It's nearly here.......

OK so I just had to do one more post to see the year out.....

The past two weeks have been very hard for us......

The tears still flow....

But I am pleased to say tomorrow is the start of a New Year & a new Decade I am on count down....

Two days after Toad died we had our Chrissie drinks with friends, something we had planned a week or so before....





The photo above is left to right...Dave, Spike & my Darlin' jamming.....

The photo above is where Toad normally sat & as we didn't have his guitar we placed my Darlin's *Cat* guitar in his chair & a can of his favourite *Inner Circle* Rum.....

If there is one good thing to come of all this it is that Mick (our eldest son) & I are now talking again, it just proves to me that Toad is looking after me.....

His funeral was the largest & saddest I had ever been to before & in the end I couldn't write anything, the words just would not come to me but I stood by my Hubbies side as he spoke of the love he felt for his friend, I was so proud of him especially as through all his tears he got to say everything he has written down.....

So many friends who over the years had moved away came back to say their farewells & it was so good to catch up with them at the wake & remember old times, to laugh & cry together.....

So this is the last day of 2009 & as you all know I am sure I am counting the hours down to say farewell to what has been a shocking year for us.....

But at the same time there are somethings I am grateful for....

My Mum & Dad are still with us.....

My family in NZ got to spend time together as a family again, all together at once which is very rare.....

My son & I are rebuilding our relationship......

The five people who love & miss Toad the most are seeing more of each other, we know how important friendships really are.....

I have broken ties with so called friends who only hurt me by their cruel words, it feels so good to finally stand up to them & tell them I no longer want them in my life.....

Tomorrow is a New Year but more important to me it is our Ryno's birthday, he will turn 24 & to me that is as they say *priceless*, it will also be 24 years since I moved to Coffs Harbour, I often wonder where those 24 years have gone.....

I read my horoscope yesterday, something I don't do very often but I think it was pretty bang on, it said....As the year ends it's time to let all that has occurred this year go - especially events which haven't been to your liking. This may include a social circle or even an attitude you're tired of.... Last night I let a so called friend go & feel so good I wont be dragging her hurtful tongue into 2010 with me.....

The tears still flow, the hurt still cuts deep but we are still here....

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year may it bring everything you hope for & be kind to you.....

I also want to thank everyone who has visited my blog this year, left comments for me & have become a follower of my blog, I truly feel honoured.....

This sadly is my last post for the year.....

Firstly I want to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.....

At 10.11 on Monday night we received a phone call that sadly has left our hearts broken, it was a call to tell us that our best friend had died..... just like that...gone.

I cannot tell you just how broken my heart feels right now, the tears cannot stop falling....we just want him back....

I first met Neal (Toad as my Darlin' & I always called him) over 20 years ago when my Hubby & I first met, they were in fact sharing a place together & the thing I remember most about that time was how he made me feel like one of the*gang*. We all shared a house together & my 2 oldest boys grew up regarding him as their second Dad. He was a groomsman in our wedding party & back then before he started loosing his hair he was a dead ringer for *Johny Farnhem* a real spunk.


He loved to go riding with Dave & my Darlin' & Ryno our son until he moved to WA this year, & last year when his older brother *Spike* moved back to Coffs he made up the fourth, every 2nd Sunday off they would all go on their trail bikes & have the best time of their lives true mates just enjoying each others company.


Last Saturday my Darlin' helped him pour a new slab out the front of their house who would have known he would never get to sit out there & enjoy it.


Toad was never one to like cuddles he would however accept heaps of cuddles from me he had no choice I cuddle everyone & in the end he came to expect them.



His brother has asked me to say something at his funeral so I am now jotting things down as they enter my head, this saying farewell speech has to be perfect I only get one chance at it & there is so much that I want to say, need to say, if in fact I can say it.......

This post has taken me 5 days to write I think it is the hardest post I have ever written. Sadly there has been quite a lot of ill feelings towards us, his closest friends from his partner which has made his death even harder to bare, just so unnecessary. His funeral has been set for Monday a day I am truly dreading. It is just over 3 weeks since we attended his Fathers funeral. It will be huge he has so many friends a large amount are traveling from all over Australia to say their farewells & show their love & respect to an incredible Man who at the age of 41 has been taken from us way too soon....

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas & hoping 2010 is kind to you all, surely it cannot be any worse than this year....

Lyn xxx

Am finally getting into the Christmas Spirit......

Ok first off Mum if you are reading this...STOP..... GO NO FURTHER YOU CANNOT READ THIS POST OK.....
Well know that is out of the way... We have had a real heat wave here the past week & as our little Cottage does not have Air Con she can get like an oven inside on hot days. With temps in the high 30's & not a lot of relief at night it was getting pretty exhausting, so imagine my joy yesterday to wake up to an overcast day with a cool breeze instead of the hot North Westerlies that had been blowing. I could actually sew, yes, so was up until 1.30 last night finishing off these small gifts for my family in NZ. We had all decided last year to cut out Chrissie pressies to each other as by the time you buy something & then post it it was getting way to expensive & also really limited us on the weight of the pressie etc. (I have always felt birthday's were more important anyway) Well I had been feeling lately that I just HAD to give something small so this is what I lovingly made yesterday....

A traditional red Chrissie Stocking for my Mum & Dad......

A pink Chrissie Stocking for my Sister & Brother In law.....

Lastly a black & white Chrissie Stocking for my Brother & Sister In law....

Well its a short post I have to get down town & post them off so they get them for the big day...

Oh & today the heats back, thinking I should have asked Santa for that Ducted Air Con....

Wow who would believe after 31 years.....

I want to introduce you all to my best friend when I was growing up..... Carol..... We lived 3 doors down from each other in Hoon Hay, Christchurch, NZ, & were more like sisters than friends. We told each other our deepest darkest secrets, smoked our first ciggy together!!!!! in the play house my Dad had built for us kids down the back (Carol actually burnt her bum when my Mum suddenly knocked on the door & she sat on her smoke while mine was held over the top of the door, the smoke wafting over my Mum's head) sorry Mum.... our first boyfriends were best mates, we even planned on running away together one night (Mum had heard us planning that little stunt & came into my room just as I was about to jump out the window, told her I was calling my cat & there was Carol under my window making the cat meows) do you remember that one Mum???

We were & probably still are complete opposites, Carol was a true blue *Tomboy* while I was the girly girl but that didn't seem to matter yah know..... Then when I was 15 & Carol was 16 her Mum & her moved to England after her parents broke up & my life kinda fell apart. There was no such things as computers way back then, could not afford phone calls so many letters were written between the two of us. We both loved listening to Pink Floyd (as I still do) & I can still remember the day a letter from her arrived telling me I JUST had to get their new LP (yep even before tapes) *Wish You Were Here*, it had just come out in England & NZ was the next country to get it. I played & played that album to death & just like now whenever I play it (now on CD) it reminds me of Carol, have always said to my Darlin'*this is Carols song*!

So when just after my 16th birthday we moved up to Nelson (cried nearly all the way) & it was around this time Carol also moved & we lost contact. Then out of the blue when I was about 18 she just was *there* on my doorstep, those past 3 years melted away & it was as if I had only seen her yesterday, pure bliss! Carol has always been a *free spirit* nothing seemed to really get her down (although before she moved to England she had involved herself in some pretty heavy *stuff* something that I had always been way toooooo scared to try) & before I knew it that last visit from her was over, she was off to roam more of this world & I never saw her again.

Over the years I have tried to find her, you know the school sites etc you can get onto but never had any luck & if she had married I didn't know her married name. Then two night ago I was on Facebook & suddenly thought to do a search for her...... well what do you know, there she was, well I hoped it was her, so sent her a message & yesterday morning had received a reply...IT WAS HER... Can you feel the huge smile on my face.....

I am gathering by the photos I now have of Carol that she works with our beautiful native Kiwi (last 2 photos) putting transmitters on them as they have become very endangered due to foxes etc that were introduced to our country with the first settlers. The second photo is what happens to your arm after being scratched by one (these gorgeous animals are VERY shy & did you know they lay the biggest eggs in the world for their size). It does not surprise me at all that Carol does this type of work, to her it would be a true labour of love, good grief she just hasn't changed, not at all. I noticed (have not had time yet to *talk* to her, am even a bit worried in case she wont *like* me anymore, boy that's a real childhood thing her & I use to say, what I mean is maybe I am just tooo girly girl for her now) that she has a son & I bet she has brought him up by herself to be a fine man, its just so *her*. OK so after the shit year (sorry Mum) that I feel I have had this is to me like a miracle, a great ending to the year.....

Wishing Miracles for you all....

Our Three Little Boys.....

I thought it was time I showed you photos of our oh so cute puppies. This Friday they will be 5 weeks old & have only 2 more weeks with us before they go to the Pet Shop...





I have found this time around I have distanced myself from them, to be honest it really hurts toooo tooo much when it comes time to take them to the Pet Shop, I just get too attached, not good...

The Kiddies have given them names which I have chosen to forget, to me they are just these oh so cute little Teddy Bears or Ewokes who look so much like their Daddy who I love so much, but have to admit here my favourite as always is the little runt, his two brothers really bully him & now that I am hand feeding them I always give him just that little bit more.....

I am on count down, not until Christmas (which by the way is my most favourite time of the year) but am counting down until 1.1.2010.... this has been a terrible year for me & has only got worse as the year went on, last Friday my darlin' & I went to Harry Smith's funeral which was the only one we decided to go to out of three people we knew who's funeral was on the same day... there is only so much we can take.... Harry & his wife Roma were like *Mum & Dad* to my Darlin', we are very close to all their four kids, two being best friends & to see their Dad suffer from Demeter for the last 7 years & then die from a massive stroke is just heart breaking........