Twentynine....

I am sure you have all heard no matter where in the world you call home the tragic news yesterday that came out of New Zealand... a second explosion occurred at the Pike River Mine just minutes before a 16 man rescue team were to enter the mine to bring their *boys* out.... What set out to be a rescue has now turned into a mission to recover & bring out their boys so they can be laid to rest....

I have always admired the toughness of the people who live on the rugid West Coast of the South Island of NZ, it takes a special person to get up each morning & walk down into those Coal Mines (which are a lot more dangerous than gold mine due to the toxic gases given off from the coal) knowing the danger, in most cases an occupation that has been passed down through the generations. Take Nellie O'Neill who has lost her son Peter 55, yesterday, her husband worked in the mines as does her other son who is one of the rescue team. Can you imagine your 17 year old child (I can my Taska is 17) who on the day after his 17th birthday went down for the first time...... never to return,  stop for a minute & try & feel how Joseph Ray Dunbar's family are feeling right now. How 41 year old Terry David Kitchin's family are feeling..... he decided to do overtime on that fateful day last Friday. Not only has Malcolm Campbell's family lost a son, brother but also a future daughter in law, he was due to marry on December 18th..... 49 year old William John Joynson who with his wife & two kids were to return to Australia last Saturday....... 21 year old Benjamin David Rockhouse who 2 years ago saved his Grandad after he had a heart attack & worked in the mines to pay for his Uni fees, his Grandad died Friday night not long after hearing of the first explosion, can you imagine what it is to loose your Father & your son in a matter of days, his brother Dan was one of two men to escape the first blast, can you imagine just what this man is feeling, both grief & guilt. Today my country has been in mourning for the 24 Kiwi, 2 Aussie, 2 British & 1 South African miners who tragically lost their lives doing what they loved & although I no longer live in my home land the grief is still in my heart for these men & their families in fact for all the people who call Greymouth home.
New Zealand may be a small country but I know us Kiwi's will band together & help the families through this tragic loss, we are tough proud people with huge hearts, we are a nation in mourning.....

Please take a minute out of your busy lives & read the 29 names below & visualise if you can that this time last week they were with their families or their mates having a beer expecting like we all do that in a weeks time we will still be here...

Conrad John Adams, 43, Greymouth, New Zealand

Deputy at the Pike River coal mine.

Malcolm Campbell, 25, Greymouth, Scotland
From Scotland, engaged to Amanda, a Kiwi. Due to marry her on December 18.

Glen Peter Cruse, 35, Cobden, New Zealand

Allan John Dixon, 59, Rununga, New Zealand

Zen Wodin Drew, 21, Greymouth, New Zealand

Christopher Peter Duggan, 31, Greymouth, New Zealand

Joseph Ray Dunbar, 17, Greymouth, New Zealand
 His first day on the job.

John Leonard Hale, 45, Ruatapu, New Zealand

Daniel Thomas Herk, 36, Rununga, New Zealand

David Mark Hoggart, 33, Foxton, New Zealand

Richard Bennett Holling, 41, Blackball, New Zealand

Andrew David Hurren, 32, Greymouth, New Zealand

Jacobus (Koos) Albertus Jonker, 47, Cobden, South Africa

William John Joynson, 49, Dunollie, Australia
Married, with two kids aged 13 and 10. Is a mining veteran in Australia.

Riki Steve Keane, 28, Greymouth, New Zealand

Terry David Kitchin, 41, Rununga, New Zealand
Opted to do some overtime on Friday afternoon – his shift finished well before the explosion.

Samuel Peter Mackie, 26, Greymouth, New Zealand

Francis Skiddy Marden, 41, Runnunga, New Zealand

Michael Nolan Hanmer Monk, 23, Greymouth New Zealand
West Coast rugby player. Attended St Bede's College in Christchurch, but returned to the West Coast to work in the mine. Son of West Coast rugby captain Bernie Monk and netball coach Cath Monk.

Stuart Gilbert Mudge, 31, Rununga, New Zealand

Kane Barry Nieper, 33, Greymouth, New Zealand
Married to the daughter of a contractor. Has a young family.

Peter O'Neill, 55, Rununga, New Zealand
His brother is one of the rescue team. He himself was a part of a rescue team at Black Reef in 2008. Several of his family members have worked in the mining industry.

Milton John Osborne, 54, Ngahere, New Zealand
Grey District Councillor, contractor.

Brendan John Palmer, 27, Cobden, New Zealand

Benjamin David Rockhouse, 21, Greymouth, New Zealand
His brother Dan Rockhouse was one of two men to survive the blast and escape. Their father is head of safety at Pike River Coal.

Peter James Rodger, 40, Greymouth, Britain

Blair David Sims, 28, Greymouth, New Zealand
West Coast rugby league player of the year for the last two years, on the wing or at centre.

Joshua Adam Ufer, 25, Australia
Drilling supervisor. His fiancée is three months pregnant.

Keith Thomas Valli, 62, Winton, New Zealand



Rest In Peace.....

Lynn's Beautiful Give-Away

Pop on over to http://lynn-teacupstitches.blogspot.com/2010/10/blog-post.html to be in the draw to win this stunning creation from Lynn.... gotta love give-aways....

Miss Rebecca's Give-Away....

Miss Reb over at http://rebecca-gatheryeroses.blogspot.com/ is having another of her stunning give-away... pop on over & leave a comment to go into the draw to win....

~Learning To Heal~

I am finding it hard to believe it has been over a month since my last post, time has slipped away from me again which seems to have been the story of my life this year. A few months ago I visited a lady who has the gift of giving massages (something I could have every day) & at the same time I guess the only way to describe it is to say *reads your soul*. What was suppose to be an hours visit ending up being 1 1/2 hours & she only managed to get as far as my hips! The moment she placed her hands on my left shoulder she told me she had never in all the years of doing her craft had she felt anyone as tense as I was. As she kneaded away on my back she kept quietly telling me to relax..... I kept telling her this was the most relaxed I had felt in years which to me it was. Maggie explained to me the different locations of our emotions in our body & all the while was asking me questions about *this & that* I do not want to get into details here but by the end after handing me countless tissues which I didn't use, she asked me why it was that I didn't cry..... my answer was simple...... if I started I would never stop! What I hadn't realised was that she had been crying for me... telling me she had never felt so much pain in anyone before.

We sat together later & had a talk & she suggested a buy a book that she felt would truly help me......

Now I have to tell you I thought turning 50 in January was going to make a huge change in my life....... I greeted the new year in in probably the most positive way I have felt in years, told you all the goals I had set for myself & finally believed I could accomplish if not all of them then at least 90% of them. What I do not understand is why it is suddenly nearing the end of October & the total is in fact 0% & I feel worse than I have in years. I have always been a person that has thrived on the company of others, now I realise I have been shutting myself off from friends & family, years & years of hurt, lack of self worth, fear of failure & letting others down, all these feelings are no longer buried deep down where they have always been carefully hidden, tucked neatly away so I wouldn't have to face them, were in fact released that day with Maggie & have been slowly working their way to the surface where they can no longer be ignored. I put off buying the book..... You Can Heal Your Life..... many through fear of what it would bring out in me but realised in the end it was something I needed to do for myself. It sat on my bedside cabinet for weeks & the other day I finally plucked up the courage to open the first page & start reading. I didn't get far that first day, maybe a couple of pages but it was a start. Now I am finding that what is written on those pages is how I have always felt........ or perhaps a better way to describe it is what I have NEVER felt, & that is how to love myself. I have begun to understand now why I have stopped sewing, I never felt anything I made was good enough to sell, gave so much away as I thought even with all the time & effort I put into it it was never good enough......

The biggest thing that made me open to that first page was our son Ryno heading back to Perth after staying with us for 2 months. The day he left I broke down & although everyone tells me he's nearly 25, an adult, you have to let him go, it does not stop the hurt I feel when he steps on the plane or the ache I feel from missing him so much, as his Mother I feel I have the right to feel this way, a week on I do feel a bit better but am still missing him. So I will keep you informed on how I am going & the progress I am making, I believe in this book even though I am only starting the third chapter......... it proves to me I am on the road to recovery by writing this post..... could not have done it a week ago.......

~Taska's Formal & The After Party~

Yesterday was a very busy day here getting Taska ready for her Year 12 Formal. The day started off going and having eyebrows waxed, eyelashes tinted, last minute items to buy & a trip to the hairdresser to have hair curled and styled.  

Later in the arvo a friend arrived round and applied make up to both Taska and Georgina at our home then came the mad rush to get dressed and have photos taken out the front veranda.

So off they went to Coffs RSL for dinner, speeches and dancing the rest of the night away. They arrived home just before 11pm to get changed and head out the door again to the *After Party*.

So when Taska arrived home this morning I asked her how it all went. For her the Formal was a bit of a let down. Normally Year 12's are very close as it is their final year at school but this year they seemed to be very divided, but she did enjoy the after party. Tonight she is going over to Georgina's for yet another after party....

I hope she really enjoys this weekend because then its STUDY TIME......

Have a great weekend everyone...

~The Final Assembly~

                                    
                                                      ~Danny, Taska, Sam, Iesha~

Today we attended our daughter Taska Rose's Year 12 Farewell Assembly & I really cannot describe the pride I felt (plus the welling up of my eyes) as she walked onto the stage to recieve her portfollio not to mention when the teachers formed a guard of honour as Year 12 of 2010 walked out of the hall for their last ever assembly. The next time they will walk into the hall will be in about 3 weeks time when their HSC exams begin.....

~Taska & her Aunty Cheryl~

Today my Darlin' & I witnessed the end of 12 years of Taska's schooling & it was great for me to see a lot of the mum's I had met on the first day Taska started school attending the last.......

                                                  ~Taska & Crabby, always best mates~


So for me today was bitter sweet, the pride I felt mixed with a bit of sadness to realise my beautiful little girl is now a young lady with the world at her feet........

                                                                ~Georgina & Taska~


It was also great to see & cuddle a lot of Taska's friends we hadn't seen for a few years, girls who used to sleep over when they were younger & just do the things little girls do before boyfriends come on the scene.... boy how things change when the interest in boys begin.....

It has been a busy week with Year 12 providing morning tea for the teachers on Monday, a slave auction on Tuesday, the final assembly today & tomorrow the BIG one...... the Year 12 Formal. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my gorgeous girl getting her ready for her big night, hair, nails, makeup & last minute buying all to be done before Taska & Georgina leave from here tomorrow night. I know tomorrow night the tears certainly will be flowing. Photos will be posted on Friday.

We love you gorgeous girl & are so proud of you. xxx

~Our Little Man Is Home~

He went, he enjoyed, he survived & he returned....... YES................

            

Very tired & with heaps of washing........

We really missed him......

Have a great weekend everyone.

~My little Man Is Growing Up~.......

Today Dylan our youngest has gone off on his first over night excursion to Port Macquarie with all the Year 4's at his school. He did not want to go on this trip in fact he came up with so many excuses some of them even surprised me that they could have originated from a nine year old mind. His main reason for not wanting to go was that he would miss us & I have to admit there was one moment there where I nearly caved gave in & told him he didn't have to go but he does need gain his independence as next year his school excursion is down to the Snow for 5 days & if he didn't go on this one it would make it so much harder to get him to go next year......

~My cheeky boy outside the school waiting for the bus~

So this morning we were all up at 6.15 which by the way is far too early for me I am NOT a morning person

& at the school by 7.15 which is just around the corner waiting for the two buses to arrive a 7.30. As soon as we got there Dylan was off playing with his mates & was not impressed when I called him over to have his photo taken. The kids were getting a bit restless by the time 7.30 came & went & still no buses in sight, it turned out they thought departure time was 8am. After the kayos of getting bags & kids loaded up they were off, all with big smiles on their faces & me, well a few tears welling up in my eyes, my baby is growing up.....

~Just visible through the bus window~

I know he is going to have a great time, time will go so fast for them as they have so much crammed in to the two days they are away & before they know it they will be back home at 4pm tomorrow & I can just imagine Dylan saying how great it was, how it went too fast & that he didn't want to come home, oh well....

Above is the mark Dylan received for a project he did last month, I am sooooo proud to see he got an *A*

Wishing you all a great day......

~*And The Earth Shook*~

UPDATE.....

Since I wrote this post there has been 563 quakes in Christchurch...

I was woken this morning at 6.30 by a phone call from my Mum, believe me I know when I receive a call this early the news can not be good. I immediately thought of my Dad (thankfully he is fine) I did not however expect the reason for the call........  Christchurch my beautiful home City was hit by a 7.4 earthquake at 4.35am this morning the worst earthquake in over 80 years. I turned my TV on & was horrified at what I was watching, it looked like a bomb had hit. My Brother & Sister in law luckily didn't have too much damage to their home, my Sister however has lost everything. I managed to ring her a while ago, she is naturally a mess, in tears as she told me she had lost all the china that was once our Grandma's, she just kept saying *It's all gone Lyn, all I had left of Grandma is gone*..... I told her they were alive & that is all that matters, she said Bruce (her hubby) thought they were going to die. They are still getting

after shocks, the first was 7.1 they are now down to 5. people over there have said the noise of the quake
was deafening, some saying it sounded like freight trains others like jets. Roads have opened up one where a car was swallowed a metre deep into the hole. Christchurch has so many beautiful old Gothic style Heritage buildings so many that have now been damaged, even our stunning Christchurch Cathedral has damage. Flooding has occurred in quite a few suburbs, there is no water, electricity & sewage pipes have broken. To say this is heart wrenching form me is putting it mildly, I cried when I saw the damage, I cried my eyes out talking to my sister all I wanted to do was give her a big cuddle & tell her in the end it would be alright.
Luckily there have been no deaths, a man is critical after a chimney fell on him, amazing really after all the devastation.  Kiwi's are use to earthquakes, we are taught in school what to do when one hits but I don't think anything could have prepared them for this one, it was always presumed our Capital City Wellington would cop the *big one* it is well over due, even Nelson where my Mum & Dad live is over due for one, not Christchurch. I remember as a child a rather big one but nothing like this one, I can only imagine how terrified they were. A state of emergency has been declared, tomorrow they are expecting rain.
I ask you to say I pray today for everyone in my Home City, but especially for my beautiful sister Sue......
                                                  

~*Back Doing What I Love Most*~

The last couple of days I have been back doing what I love most of all...... sewing! Sunday is Fathers Day down under & this year it is very important to me to give my Dad ~something from the heart~ Early this year my Mum & Dad had to have their beloved dog *Cindy* put down which was very hard for them both, they had to say farewell to a much loved family member. So I decided to make my Dad a cushion with their gorgeous pooch taking centre stage.



I had taken this photo when I went home early last year & after a fix up using Paint Shop Pro printed it out onto fabric & started sewing. I decided to leave it plain, no ribbons etc, it is after all for a man!



I have also made a cushion for my Aunty for her birthday this is a black & white photo taken when she was quite a lot younger, a photo I have always loved of her.




So after the housework has been done (yuck) I will be back onto PSPro trying to get my head around a programme that most of the time has me baffled but at the same time can be a lot of fun trying to work out um!

Wishing you all a great day - the LAST day of winter here - yes sooooo looking forward to Spring.....

~I NEED To Get this Off My Chest~

In my last post I told you all that for last 3 or so weeks I have had Shingles well now I need to tell you all WHY!!!!!! Last May a man that has been a friend to my Darlin' for the past 30 years & who I thought was a friend of mine for the past 20 years suddenly started *bad mouthing* me to our friends & whoever he thought would listen. This is a man who used to visit me twice a day every day, who I listened to all his problems & went out of my way to help him with his problems until I couldn't help him any more. He decided to cut himself off from me but at the same time hoped he would not only cut me off from our friends but also come between my Darlin' & I. For my Sweet that was the last straw & he cut all ties with him after quite a nasty argument. So when my sister was over we found a letter under our door (a very nasty letter) blaming us for his misery plus letting us know we had *failed Toad* (our very close friend who died at the end of last year, & this man's brother).

That letter he wrote hurt more than anything has in a long time but we got on with life. Then suddenly I found a large rash on my right arm which over the days travelled onto my chest, I became very tired & I couldn't lift my arm, couldn't sit or lay down without being in severe pain. I also realised that since May I had begun to bite my nails again, something I hadn't done in years, but the biggest thing I realised was you can fool your Conscious Mind BUT YOU CAN NEVER EVER FOOL YOUR SUB CONSCIOUS MIND. I had been telling myself this man was not going to bother me when in fact I was falling apart inside. Tonight he decided to get in touch with us again, why am I surprised he sent us nasty text messages, in the end my reply to him was GOODBYE!.I don't feel any better, I think I need to say this to his face but he won't face me so am wondering if it will ever be solved?????? I DO however feel better for having written this down, who knows maybe this is what I have needed since May..... Thanks for listening.......

                                              

~*I Have Shingles*~

For the past three weeks or so I have had ~Shingles~. I was 16 the last time I had this strain of Chickenpox & had forgotten how painful it can be. This time I have it down my right side the blisters forming mostly on my arm & chest which have now become very itchy so am hoping the worst is over. This time last week I could hardly lift my right arm, my whole right side was in pain & found it very hard to stay awake during the day. I normally survive on around 6 hours sleep a day but lately have been ~hitting the hay~ by 8.30 every night.

Am looking forward to getting back to normal soon......

Hope you are all having a great day.....

~*Two Very Special Visitors*~ .....

Last week we had a couple of very special visitors stay here...... my beautiful sister Sue & her Hubby Bruce. It had been 10 years since Sue last stayed here & 19 years since Bruce had. Neither of them had ever met Dylan and it was 15 years since they had seen Taska..... far too long........

~ Bruce, Sue, My Darlin' & Ryno~

To make it even better how Ryno arrived back from his holiday to the US while they were here, the only one of our kiddies they didn't get to see was our Mick, Lisa & our Grandkiddies. The weather couldn't have been nicer except for one day where it rained & was cold but we still had a great time getting out & about relaxing & catching up on all the years.

Next week is Sue's birthday so I made this little Sweetie up for her..... while she was here I showed her some of the images I had printed onto fabric & as this was her favourite one I thought it would be perfect for her......

Spring is just around the corner & I cannot wait for it to arrive I feel it has been a very long & cold winter this year, yesterday was in the mid 20's, my Jasmin is out in bloom (a sure sign Spring is on the way) as is the orange tree & a few other spring bulbs...... with it I feel like I am coming out of hibernation...... I have been away far tooooooo long.

Hope you all have a lovely sunny weekend....

~*What Lurks In My Garden*~........

Yesterday as it was a lovely sunny day I decided to get out in the garden.... I have heaps of Agapanthus that I wanted to dig out & as My Darlin' had fixed my new you beaut shovel from Bunnings (I broke the handle the first time I used it) I decided it was time to get into it. So after a couple of hours I had removed a fair few of them plus some other plants I no longer wanted in the garden. The weather turned overcast & cold so I decided it was time to call it a day & make myself a pipping hot cup of coffee. I was sitting down talking to My Darlin' when my leg started to itch........ looking down I saw this.......

Now I'm sure I have told you in the past I am terrified & I mean TERRIFIED of spiders so can you imagine my reaction..... screaming, jumping around, heart palpitations, until in the end I just felt like throwing up....... my biggest fear has always been to find a spider on me & to think it had been there for a while made it even worse..... so next time I get out in my garden I will be wearing gardening gloves & My Darlin's gummies......

Hope you are having a great week.......

~*My Heart Is Very Heavy Today*~......

Let me tell you about a very special Man who came into our lives 5 or 6 years ago........ His name is Andy........ who was born in England met a beautiful Lady named Jan, married, had children & eventually immigrated to Australia. So 5 or 6 years ago they bought the corner shop which has always been known as *Shop 36* which is about a 5 or so minute walk from my home. I have always taken the walk up there at least 2 or 3 times a week for milk & bread & I like so many people in Coffs became close friends with Andy & Jan. He has a very broad accent sometimes making it hard to understand the words that flow from his mouth but one look at his face would tell you whatever he said meant that he was saying something that needed a laugh in reply. Eventually we all learnt to understand them or perhaps the accent softened a little. OK so being a true Pommy he lives & breathes Soccer...... do I need to say more, can you imagine in your head what it is like to be around him while the World Cup is on..... nah I don't think I do...

Around 2 years ago Andy discovered he had Liver Cancer & being the Optimist that he is knew he would beat it.......... we all watched this beautiful man who by the way was shortest, thinnest but super fit from playing his beloved sport, gradually lose his hair, weight & strength to be able to work. Jan & his many workers kept the shop going, always with a smile on their brave faces.

It has been a couple of days since I went up to *Shop 36* it has probably been a couple of weeks since I last saw Andy...we talked about the world cup.... he telling me the Pomms were going to win, me telling him the Kiwi's (New Zealanders) were going to, boy did he laugh at that but neither team progressed to the top 16.........

Today I learnt Andy died ...........he is 52........ my heart is really hurting........... for his beloved Jan, for his kiddies, his many many friends (me included) customers, his family *back home*, but to me the saddest thing is he did not get to see who will win the World Cup............ no maybe I am wrong there....... he is on is long walk to heaven........ he will get there before the games finish.......... he will KNOW ahead of time who wins.......... I forgot to ask him who he would go for in the final game..........

Forever in my heart......XXX

~*Our Weekend Away*~......

Do you remember the post I wrote about the weekend away at Annuaka Resort that our son Ryno gave My Darlin' & I as a surprise? well...... we went, we saw, we relaxed, we pampered & we LOVED it...... Like most of the Suites there ours was amongst the Rain forest, such a peaceful place.....

Our bedroom had this large spa set in its own corner, I was amazed when I filled it up the water was blue a real aqua sea blue......... the photo above was taken looking up at the glass ceiling..... nothing like sitting in here with the jets blasting full bore, laying back & looking up at the twinkling stars in the sky.....

Our dinner was just out of this world we sat at a table which looked out to the ocean & afterwards went for a very romantic stroll along the beach......

We also explored the rest of the place finding a total of seven swimming pools all laying under more rain forest & three spas set in grotto's....... I have to tell you I could very easily move on in there tomorrow..... we found this walk way the next morning......... followed it & found......

This gorgeous little Chapel......... I remember years ago not long after the resort opened friends of ours were married in this tiny church......... sadly the marriage didn't last & as much as we enjoyed our weekend here I couldn't help but notice that it was starting to look a tad rundown, the Chapel was all dusty inside, it looked like it hadn't been used in years, furniture in our Suite was starting to break, a lot of the beautiful filigree woodwork had been broken from previous guests...... to me that was sad a lot of time & money had been put into Annuaka, it needed some TLC.......

That aside we DID have a great time staying here & would go back again.....

Thank you again Ryno we love you xxx

*~A Complete Makeover*~.........

Hi yah Sweeties......... how'd yah be.... as my Dad would say......... Me well I have been flat out which is the reason why the posting has been a tad on the lean side lately. If you scroll down to my last post you might remember the cane lounge I was giving a make over...... She has in fact been finished for a while now but as is the norm with me after I cleaned the front Porch to get it all spick & span for her grand arrival, I noticed that everything else on it was looking in need of a repaint not to mention the painted floor boards..........

So off My Darlin' went to Bunnings to get the paint as I had run out after painting the lounge, & I set to scrubbing the floorboards & chairs. Next day I was all set to go............ it rained! The next day......... it rained, in fact 4 days in a row, so I patiently waited for blue sky to come out. Finally the sun came out & I was down on hands & knees painting. Three coats later & the floor was all done..........

The next week was spent repainting the chairs & coffee tables during the day one coat a day although by now it was getting pretty hard to keep the patience thing going......... sewing the new cushion covers at night.

I had bought two Euro cushions for the lounge & could not believe it when they were a tad too small so ended up opening them both at one end & sewing an extra strip of fabric in between them both & stuffing it full of super soft wadding........ fun to do on a machine when the cushion becomes very long.

Even the little boy on the pedestal was scrubbed down with bleach to make squeaky clean again as he had grown green, something I don't really mind but just kinda looked out of place with the white & blue.........

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this lounge with its big squishy cushions, it is just soooooo comfy....... perhaps too comfy, I laid down on it the other morning with my cuppa coffee & a really good book & actually fell asleep....... or perhaps it was due to the fact that I was up until nearly 4am painting the last chair either way I am not one to sleep during the day, so have resisted the urge since then to lay on it.........

Every time I have made new cushions for out here they have been pink to go with the house but being a true lover of Blue & White I just HAD to have a change, even the coasters on the tables are blue & white & the flowers are my favourite Camelia's in my garden which are always the last to bloom, a gorgeous white with just the tiniest dab of icy pink in them. At the moment the fabric is a bit bright but come summer & the sun with fade them to the perfect soft blue........

So what do you think.......... was the long wait worth it......... I hope so, OK so now you all know what I want you guys to do........ leave me a comment & tell me what you think..........Oh & I am still flat tack painting, I have redone an old mirror & am on to my second one.......

Hoping YOUR creative juices are flowing........